
False Benchmarks
I come from a small village in the Sumy region. One thing about small villages is that everyone knows everyone. When I lived there and went to school, I knew almost everybody—except perhaps a few elderly people who lived at the other end of the village. Village life had both its advantages and disadvantages.
Schoolchildren, teenagers, and pretty much all the “young people” followed the rule of strength: whoever was stronger was right. Physically stronger guys often imposed a very strange culture on everyone else. Black trousers, a black sweatshirt, and black trainers. “Sektor Gaza” or “Butyrka” playing on their phones. An extremely short buzz cut. Rare showers and dirty hands, sometimes covered in oil from tinkering with a Jawa or Minsk motorcycle 🙂
If there was anything different about you, you immediately stood out. Doing reasonably well at school—not being a straight-A student or a nerd, just studying normally—was already a red flag. A pink T-shirt? You’re gay. Long hair? Gay. Listening to electronic music and dancing Tecktonik? Gay again 🙂 They were disrespectful toward older people, women, the LGBT community, and basically everyone who wasn’t like them.
I had to find a balance because I owned a pink T-shirt and danced Tecktonik 🙂 I have a childhood friend from Dnipro who was always bringing us the latest trends. One time, he introduced us to Tecktonik; the next time, it was beatboxing, and so on. That was the kind of friend he was)
In other words, people would come after you for the most basic things, you know? The colour you wore, your music, your clothes, your hat, and so on. It felt like being part of some primitive animal pack. Even back then, it seemed incredibly strange to me. I couldn’t understand why it mattered what someone wore or what kind of music they listened to. It’s a good thing we didn’t discuss religion back then))
I don’t know where it came from—perhaps my upbringing, the fact that I watched different cartoons, or simply that I drew different conclusions—but I always judged people by their soft skills. Were they an asshole or not? Were they kind, decent, and compassionate? Would they help someone or not? Did they have any altruistic motives? Did they lie and deceive people? Those were the things that mattered to me.
When I started university, I began meeting more and more people like me. That was when I realised there was nothing wrong with me. Then everything changed very quickly. The people who had been considered cool in the village at the age of 14–16 felt incredibly uncomfortable in this new environment. They simply couldn’t handle it and ended up looking ridiculous. For me, on the other hand, it was very easy.
Now I look back on it with a smile 🙂 And I understand how important it is to abandon these false benchmarks in time. In adult life, they mean nothing. They have no solid or lasting foundation and won’t lead you to success, fame, or money. On the contrary, they only hold you back.
Many people I knew from the village became alcoholics or now drink every day. Many have died. Some stayed in the village and are living their best lives.
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